TurtleSpice ERP! (Week 5)

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Welcome to Episode 5 of TurtleSpice ERP, our virtual ERP selection simulator!

We’re following one company’s software selection process, from beginning to end—with a twist: It’s up to you to make sure comptroller Mike Chelonia stays on track and selects the right ERP system for the company. Cast your vote, and next week I’ll move the scenario forward based on the winning answer.

Previously: Episode 1 | Episode 2 | Episode 3 | Episode 4


Last week, supply issues threatened to derail the entire ERP selection project. When we asked what you’d do in Mike’s shoes, you voted to go with a streamlined business process modeling (BPM) option geared toward defining business requirements for software selection.

Gutsy, but this may not go so well: Wade Sharkey, TurtleSpice VP, has his own ideas about which ERP system to select. And with the CEO temporarily incommunicado, Mike has no executive backing whatsoever.

Oh, and what’s Lola up to?


Note: This episode contains (mildly) strong language. If you are offended by strong language, you may wish to click the "back" button on your browser.


What a crappy, crappy mess, thinks Mike.

Selecting an ERP system is like sitting down to a 10-course meal in a restaurant you can’t afford with waiters you don’t trust who won’t give you anything but a bent fork and a sippy cup anyway. Your chair has eight kinds of design flaws and the menu wants to maximize your forward-looking leverage on key performance indicators in an increasingly fast-paced intestinal climate.

Except that you can’t even get through the damn door of the damn restaurant because your damn VP is standing in the damn way.

Mike decides to push ahead with a trimmed-down BPM process [see overview of project road map], but first he needs to go on the record with his reasoning.

s-e-mail-justifying-bpm.png acknowledgement1.png


VP Wade Sharkey is not pleased. He's worse than not pleased. He’s furious.

He’s not used to being furious, and he doesn’t like it.

Wade Sharkey launched his entrepreneurial career at age 14, with a booming trade in very-recently-previously-owned cars, discounted by virtue of an inexplicable lack of license plates.

And he hasn’t gotten all the way from there to here by allowing his emotions to cloud his judgment.

He also hasn’t gotten from there to here by letting subordinates do as they please. Well, except for one certain subordinate in particular. Under certain circumstances. He checks his agenda.


Sharkey relaxes just enough to start thinking about how he's going to handle the Wal-Nut account.


It doesn't take long for the news to trickle down that Wal-Nut has canceled its contract with TurtleSpice, thanks to TurtleSpice's inability to meet its order committments.

And everybody in the company knows that when the TurtleSpice CEO returns, somebody's head is going to roll because of it.


The chief information officer chooses the internal ERP project kick-off meeting to wake up from her apparent month-long slumber. She sounds aggrieved about it, too.

"The hell do we need an ERP system for? Look. Our IT systems are stable, we’re delivering the functionality you need, and if you want better reporting, better tracing, whatever, we’ll build it for you.”

Shit, thinks Mike. If this isn't just a ploy for bigger budget and extra staff, he'll eat his spreadsheets. And wash them down with Turtle. Freaking. Spice. Juice.


How would you resolve this dilemma if you were in Mike's shoes? (Feel strongly? Comment below!)


Voting is now closed for this episode. 

Find out what happened next!


Want to read more about IT failures before deciding?

IT Catfight in Portland
15 Non-technical Reasons IT Projects Fail
When Bad Things Happen to Good Projects
8 Expensive IT Blunders
Project Failure: The Numbers, Why, and What It Means
How to Kill Your Software Selection Project in 10 Very Easy Steps
4 Ways to Botch Your ERP Implementation Process

Note: This scenario has been created for informational purposes only. Any resemblance to actual food and beverage companies and products is purely coincidental. Data and outcomes backed up by our expert analyst and project delivery teams, scenario created by our writing team.
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